The Familial Commencement
by SemblanceOfInvisibility
Summary: Short and sweet series. Post Season 11. Leonard and Penny and the beginnings of their family.
1. Prologue

_**Location: Pasadena  
California  
United States Of America  
Apartment 4A  
11:23 AM**_

"Penny?" Leonard watched as she stumbled into their kitchen. "You okay?"

"Don't ask me that when I'm obviously not," She grumbled, reaching for coffee. "Are Sheldon and Amy -"

"Not sure where they are but probably working," Leonard said, looking at her nervously. "And Koothrapali and Wolowitz are already there. At the very least, none of them are here."

"Shouldn't you be there too?" She asked him tiredly, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Penny," He said gently. "You should be at work too."

She groaned. "I called out today, alright? I still don't feel well, and if Sheldon asks again later the answer is that no I have not been drinking!"

Leonard took a small step back. "Penny, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

She sighed heavily. "Leonard, don't freak out."

"Why would I freak out?" He asked her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Penny?"

"Leonard," She said slowly. "I'm pregnant."

He stared at her for a moment and then glanced to her still flat abdomen. "Are you..."

"Yes, I'm sure," She said, biting her lip. "I'm pregnant with our child."

"Penny, are you...crying?" Leonard asked her, and she shook her head as she brushed away tears.

"No," She said. "Why do you say...fine, Leonard, I'm scared."

He softly kissed her. "Penny, it's going to be okay and our babies will be smart and beautiful. I know it."

She smiled. "Really?"

"Yes," He said, hugging her tightly. "And -"

"Leonard and Penny," Sheldon said as began to knock on the door. "Leonard and Penny. Leonard and Penny."

"You can let yourself in, Sheldon," Leonard told him, squeezing his wife gently. "What is it?"

"Well, see, Amy already left for work and since I decided over a month ago that I was going in late today I need you to give me a ride," He said, and Leonard sighed. "Oh, come on, you have -"

"I'm not going into work today," Leonard reminded him as he released Penny. "Take the bus."

"But I don't want to take the bus," Sheldon told him, glancing at Penny. "Penny, since you're here too, can you give me a ride?"

She crossed her arms. "Leonard and I can't have a day together?"

"Oh, I understand," Sheldon said, glancing at his feet for a moment. "The two of you want me to leave so you can have coitus."

"Sheldon!" Leonard stared at him and then glanced to Penny. "We've got something very important -"

"More important than going to work with me?" Sheldon asked him, confused. "I don't see what could be more important than that."

"We need to..." Leonard trailed off, unsure of whether or not he wanted to say it to his best mate yet. "Sheldon, if Penny and I tell you something you have to keep it a secret."

Sheldon groaned. "But I'm not good at keeping secrets."

"Sheldon, listen," Penny said, looking at him in complete seriousness. "You'll keep this secret until Leonard and I are ready."

"Well what is it?" He asked her, and she sighed.

"You see," She said, motioning him towards his spot on their couch. "Leonard and I love each other very much, and -"

"You're pregnant," Sheldon surmised, and Leonard and Penny stared at each other for a moment before staring at him.

"You know," Penny said slowly. "This time that's actually the case."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Well congratulations."

Penny smiled. "Aww, thanks Sheldon."

"I mean, babies are quite a lot of work and they are rather messy but I'm sure that you and Leonard will do fine," He said, then shrugging. "If Howard and Bernadette can handle it, then you two can too."

"Comforting," Leonard said as he happily took Penny's hand. "Now, remember, you can't tell anyone."

Sheldon sighed. "But you two have to tell them! It's not as if you can have the baby in secret! And what about your mother?"

Leonard groaned and rested his head on his wife's shoulder. "I don't want to tell my mother. She didn't care to raise me well and I was the subject her experiments so now she'll just have to deal with the fact that I don't want to tell her I'm going to be the father of a beautiful and smart baby."

Penny turned slightly pink. "Leonard -"

"I'm serious," He said, looking up and then kissing her. "Come on, do you really want to tell my mother?"

"We're not going to..." Penny glanced to Sheldon. "Fine! You can tell the others!"

Sheldon happily pulled out his phone. "Oh, I have a feeling they're going to be so happy for you! And Bernadette can give you her parenting books -"

"I still have one," Penny whispered to Leonard, who started laughing. "I guess we can use it on an actual child this time."

Sheldon looked up when he began to get responses. "Wolowitz wants to make sure it's Leonard's -"

"Yes!" Penny snapped. "Always Leonard's!"

Leonard grinned. "Aww, I'm the only man you've ever wanted to have kids with."

"Well, yes," She admitted.

"Okay," Sheldon said, going on. "Bernadette says that you're in for hell when you go into labour, Amy says she's excited for her bestie, Raj says he thought it would happen sooner, and I say that the two of you are lucky to have each other."

Leonard smiled. "That's very sweet, thank you Sheldon."

He nodded. "Yes, yes, I know."

"We're going to be parents," He whispered to Penny, holding her in his arms. "And our baby is going to perfect."

She softly kissed him. "And smart, and beautiful."


	2. The Familial Friction Theorem

_**Six Months Later  
Location: Pasadena  
California  
United States Of America  
**_ _ **5:39 PM**_

Penny sighed as she laid down on the couch. "Does your mother really have to come here?"

"Yes," Leonard said, looking far from thrilled.

"Does she really have to stay with us?" She asked him, and he considered that.

"Well…" He said, coming over to her and sitting down in what was otherwise Sheldon's spot. "She insisted on it and I couldn't say no. And I thought you and my mom liked each other?"

"She thinks I'm a quote un quote suitable mate for you," She reminded him. "Those words don't exactly thrill a woman."

Leonard took her hand in his. "Penny, no matter what my mother says I want you to know that I love you. And I love our child too."

She smiled when he put a hand to her noticeable curve and both of them could feel their daughter kick. "I love her already."

"Do you know what you want to name her?" Leonard asked as she shifted so that she could lay her head on his lap. "Penny?"

She smirked. "How about Beverly?"

Leonard grimaced. "Please tell me that's a joke."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course it's a joke! Why would I want to name our child after your mother? Don't take me seriously when I make ridiculous suggestions like that!"

"So then what are you really thinking?" He asked her, a hand trailing through her hair. "I was kind of hoping we could...nevermind."

"No, what are you thinking?" She stared at him with wide eyes as he continued to stroke her hair. "I mean that, Leonard, come on!"

"I was thinking we could name her Mackenzie. Mackenzie Penny Hofstadter," He said quickly, and she considered that. "If you don't want to -"

"You really want to..." She trailed off, pushing herself up slightly to kiss him. "You really want to name her partially after me?"

Leonard nodded. "Well you're my perfect Penny, aren't you?"

She groaned. "I wish you'd stop trying to come up with cute things to call me."

"Well, I -" Leonard shook his head upon hearing a knock at the door. "That's her."

Penny stood up quickly and wrapped her arms around him as he reached the door. "Hey, I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too."

"Hello, Beverly," Penny said as pleasantly as she could upon her husband opening the door. "Was your flight alright?"

"Don't be ridiculous, it was atrocious," She said, stepping into the apartment. "The couple next to me on one side had a child that would not shut up for the entire flight, and the other couple across the aisle from me had a tendency to kiss each other rather voraciously."

"Okay...well," She said clasping her hands together. "Why don't you sit down, and -"

"You know, when Leonard informed me that the two of you have successfully taken the first few steps to the long, horrendous process of procreation, I didn't believe him at first," She rather haughtily adjusted her glasses. "That he successfully impregnated you, I mean."

"Mother, I -" Leonard started, but she cut him off with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"I was speaking to your wife, not you," She said, turning back to a reasonably uncomfortable Penny. "Now, tell me Penny: Would you be willing to share the details of the night on which you conceived your child so that I might be able to publish a paper on it along with the one I have already written about my own sex life and the creation of Leonard and his -"

"No," Penny said firmly, her voice rather quick. "I'd really rather not."

"Fine," She said, leaning back in Sheldon's spot. "Leonard, make me a cup of tea. Exactly the way I -"

"Yeah, yeah, I know how you like your tea," He grumbled as he stepped into the kitchen.

"He's always been a problem child," Beverly shook her head. "I believe you've read my book, is that right?"

Penny sat down in the chair across from her awkwardly and nodded. "When I was taking psychology at the community college, yes."

"Interesting," She said, glancing to Leonard. "I must admit that I approve of you the most of my children's...mates...although I must admit that if I'm being perfectly frank that I believe you could have done better."

"Well..." Penny shook her head. "I married him twice, you know. The first time in Vegas, and the second time with Bernadette -"

"Yes, I remember the second time," She said irritably. "I believe my ex husband is now involved with that...awful woman who won't shut up about the Bible. I've told her more than once that she ought to read a different book, perhaps one of mine, but she won't listen."

"Sheldon's mother means well," Penny said, crossing her arms. "I don't know what your problem is with her."

"Sheldon..." Beverly said, ignoring Penny's last inquiry. "Leonard, where is that wonderful young man Sheldon. I'd have liked to speak with him."

"He lives across the hall now," Leonard said almost smugly as he brought her over her tea. "With his wife, Amy."

Beverly took one sip of her tea before setting it down. "That's too warm. And, about Sheldon, would you bring him over so that I might speak with him. I find him rather fascinating. And what about your two friends...the Indian and the one with the bowl cut who both clearly have latent homesexual feelings towards one another?"

"Raj and Howard are not gay," Leonard said as patiently as he could. "Howard's married to Bernadette and they have two kids. Raj...I think...is involved with Sheldon's sister, Missy. She just finalised her divorce, you know."

"Well, go get Sheldon would you?" Beverly waved her hand towards the door. "I'd like to continue speaking with your wife."

As Leonard did what she said, he turned back at the door to see Penny mouthing the words Save me to him. Shaking his head and giving her a thumbs up, he walked quickly across the hall and knocked on the door.

"Sheldon!" He said, although the door was quickly opened by Amy. "Oh, Amy. Is Sheldon here?"

"Yeah, why?" She said, and her husband quickly came over to them.

"Did Penny kick you out, Leonard?" He asked him. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Leonard exclaimed, sounding vaguely exasperated. "But my mother is here and she wants to talk to you."

"Oh, Beverly's here?" Sheldon said, his interest piqued. "Well, why didn't you say so?"

Amy gave Leonard a sympathetic look as Sheldon marched across the hall. "I'll come too."

"Thank you," Leonard said in relief.

"Beverly," Sheldon said knocking on the door. "Beverly. Beverly."

She smiled upon opening the door. "Sheldon, how good to see you."

"And you," He said, bobbing his head once. "Have we completed pleasantries?"

"Yes we have," She said, motioning him to follow her. "And -"

"That's my spot," He said before she could sit down and she slid over not wanting an argument with him.

"So," Beverly said, looking at him with far more interest than she had to Penny or Leonard. "I heard you married.

Sheldon smiled. "Oh, yes. See, this is my wife Amy."

Amy waved once. "Hi."

"Hello," Beverly said, turning back to Sheldon. "Are you and Leonard's friends still suppressing their sexual feelings for one another?"

Sheldon shrugged. "I suppose, although you are the expert."

She laughed and Leonard, Penny, and Amy exchanged uncomfortable looks.

"Don't flatter me," She said, and Penny leaned over slightly to whisper to her husband and her best friend.

"I can't believe that she kissed him that one time," She said, shaking her head. "My fault, though, considering that I got her drunk."

"I remember you getting my mother drunk...and I vaguely remember the thing about the kiss," Leonard said, though Amy threw a cursory glance towards Beverly. "She won't hit on him now that she knows you're married. Besides, she was drunk when that happened."

"I can tell you all about the dumb things I've done in that state," Penny whispered, and Amy nodded.

"I'm sure you can," She said patting her shoulder. "So, have the two of you decided on what you're naming your child?"

Leonard and Penny looked to each other but then nodded.

"Yes," Penny said, taking her husband's hand and squeezing it. "Our daughter is going to be Mackenzie Penny Hofstadter."


	3. The Continued Experiment

_**Location: Pasadena  
**_ _ **California  
**_ _ **United States Of America  
**_ _ **Apartment 4A  
**_ _ **11:37 AM**_

Leonard wrapped his arms tightly around his wife as soon as she came into the room the next morning. "How's my love?"

Penny smiled. "Cute, Lenny."

"Aww, you called me Lenny," He kissed her cheek as he lifted her up onto the counter. "Now, do you want me to kiss you, or -"

Penny laughed. "Leonard..."

"What?" He said, his arms around her waist. "I can't find you beautiful and want to kiss you?"

"Nevermind," She said with a grin. "You're my second husband, and you're the only man who's ever actually gotten me pregnant -"

"Wasn't there that guy you had sex with in high school that nearly got you pregnant?" Leonard asked her, and she glared.

"Well he didn't," She said, leaning back against the counter slightly. "You did, though. And I like to think of you as my first husband because that whole marriage to Zach was a mistake."

"In so many ways..." Leonard muttered as he began to kiss her breasts. "But ours isn't."

"Of course it's not," She said as their daughter kicked again. "She's a bit active, isn't she?"

Leonard pressed a gentle hand to her growing abdomen. "She's going to be perfect. Half you, half me..."

Penny kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," He said, grinning as he felt a kick. "She is strong, just like you."

Penny started laughing as he began to kiss her neck. "Leonard, you have to stop flattering me, I -"

"So you still go left, do you?" Beverly noted as she walked into the kitchen herself and saw her son kissing Penny's neck and chest. "Pity. Penny, I apologise for this but I'm afraid there's nothing that can...cure it."

Leonard turned to glare at her. "Mother, don't speak to my wife that way."

"I can speak for myself," Penny snapped. "But don't make Lenoard feel bad. He's going to be a great father -"

"Does he still grasp his penis and not like to let go?" Beverly asked her, adjusting her glasses. "During intercourse, perhaps?"

Penny's nose wrinkled in disgust. "No."

Beverly sighed. "Any man that was like Leonard as a child is not going to do well as a father. I am proud that he married someone like you, but I am more proud of you than him."

Leonard stormed out of the room just as Sheldon began knocking at the door.

"Leonard, Penny, Beverly," He chorused. "Leonard, Penny, Beverly. Leonard, Penny, Beverly."

Beverly smiled as she opened the door. "A pleasure it is to see such a fine young man."

"And a pleasure it is to see a nice woman of your age," Sheldon replied, a bit antsy. "Is your ex husband still defiling my mother?"

"Most likely," She said darkly, the look only growing upon seeing Amy come up behind him. "Amy. Aren't you a close friend of Penny's?"

Amy grabbed Sheldon's hand. "Sheldon, how many times did I try to explain to you last night that you talking with his mother makes Leonard uncomfortable?"

"He always has had issues with being possessive," Beverly shook her head and sent a cursory glance to Penny. "I pity that for her."

Penny crossed her arms as she slowly slid off of the counter. "I love Leonard."

Beverly waved her hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, of course."

"What's going on?" Bernadette asked upon having made her way up the stairs with Howard, Raj, Michael, and Hallie. "Oh! Penny, I brought you the parenting books you asked for!"

"Not a great time," Amy muttered to them, and Howard raised an eyebrow.

"How come?" He asked. "Is Penny lacking sexual gratification? Because Raj -"

"I have a girlfriend," He snapped. "Missy Cooper -"

"If you defile my sister, I will challenge you to a duel," Sheldon said with a dark grin. "Speaking of duels, my time line with Kripke -"

"You are not dueling Kripke!" Penny, Amy, Raj, and Bernadette shouted at the same time.

"Sheldon, I am not letting my husband get killed," Amy said, squeezing his hand. "And since that's you, I am not going to let you get killed."

"That's a horrible idea," Raj said, crossing his arms. "We took one class, and only one class."

"I don't want to have to smuggle...experimental pain killers out of work for you," Bernadette added.

"Since when do you duel?" Penny asked him.

There was a temporary silence in which Beverly looked at all of them though focused on Howard and Raj.

"So," She said, glancing at Hallie and Michael. "You had a sham marriage to hide your homosexual nature from your family."

Howard set down Michael and Hallie in their carriers and clenched his fists. "I am not gay, and my marriage to Bernadette is not a sham!"

"Aww..." She said, kissing his cheek. "I knew you would do anything for me."

"That vasectomy was a bit much, though," Howard muttered.

"I don't want to get pregnant again a few months," She replied. "And now I can't."

"Unless she sleeps with Koothrapali or Leonard," Sheldon quipped, and Penny and Raj both gave him looks of outrage.

"Again!" Raj exclaimed. "I am defiling your sister or some bullshit -"

"Aha!" Sheldon exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger towards him. "I knew it!"

"The only person Leonard has sex with is me," Penny said angrily, placing a hand on her rather noticible abdomen. "And Mackenzie is our child, no one else's."

Bernadette smiled. "You and Leonard are naming your child Mackenzie?"

"Mackenzie Penny Hofstader," Leonard said, coming back after having calmed down. "And she's going to be smart and beautiful."

Penny blushed. "Stop saying that!"

"Nope," He said, genty kissing her. "I love you and Kenzie too much to stop."

"Oh, stop this," Beverly said irritably. "Not in front of me."

Leonard sent her yet another glare. "Says the woman who openly admits to having been spanking my father with my ping pong paddle when I walked in on them!"

Beverly scoffed. "You are a problem child, Leonard, and always have been."

"Hey," Bernadette said, forcing her way into the apartment with Hallie, Michael, and Howard. "I think Leonard is a great man and is going to be a nice father for his and Penny's daughter."

"Thank you," Leonard said, gesturing to her as he spoke to his mother once again. "See? I'm not delusional."

"I disagree," Beverly replied icily. "But every time I've had you tested, I've been told that I am the problem and not you."

Sheldon gave her a sympathetic nod. "I understand. He struggled to adhere to our bathroom schedule, or our restrictions on coitus."

"Sheldon!" Amy hissed. "Not okay. Leonard is our friend, and I have to agree that his mother is the problem and not him."

"Amen to that," Bernadette agreed, clasping her hands together.

"I hope the gods reincarnate you terribly," Raj told Beverly, and she rolled her eyes. "For everything you do! And I am not gay!"

"He has had a lot of sex before," Howard said, getting a punch from Bernadette. "What?"

"You slept with your second cousin!" Raj reminded him as the door slammed behind him, Sheldon, and Amy. "You can't talk!"

"He only sleeps with me now," Bernadette said, grasping his arm. "And I like it."

"Me too," Howard said, squeezing one of her breasts. "And -"

She slapped him. "Not here!"

"If you all read my book," Beverly said, sitting in the spot farthest from Sheldon's so as not to upset him. "You'd find it rather...enlightening."

"You're the reason he has low self esteem," Penny snapped. "And he shouldn't."

"Penny, I don't -" Leonard started.

"Well, he does have to live in my shadow," Sheldon said as he sat down in his spot with Amy next to him. "But Leonard's not all bad. He's a good friend, and he and I shared an apartment for years. Actually, he's my best friend."

Beverly shook her head. "Lovely." She said though not meaning it in the slightest.


	4. Little Family (And Friends)

_**Six Months Later**_  
 _ **Location: Pasadena**_  
 _ **California**_  
 _ **United States Of America**_  
 _ **9:37 PM**_

Leonard glared at Howard after a new sarcastic comment. "There is nothing funny about my daughter and Penny's."

"I told you so," Bernadette said, playfully punching his arm.

"Well, I just never imagined that the two of them would have kids before Sheldon and Amy," Howard said, then laughing as he looked to Raj. "Or Raj and one of the women he's slept with."

Raj scowled. "Not cool. And, for the record, Missy Cooper is not pregnant right now because of me."

"Yes, you can blame her ex husband for that," Sheldon said, prompting a sharp look from Amy. "What? My mother has said far worse things about Missy than that."

"Sheldon…" Amy said tiredly. "Can you not make fun of Raj for being with your sister?"

He considered that for a moment but then sighed. "Oh, alright. Raj, I wish you the best of luck with my sister and the two children she has expelled from her uterus."

Raj grimaced. "Ew, but thanks, Sheldon."

"Howard," Amy said, eyeing him curiously. "Why were you surprised that Leonard and Penny had a child before me and Sheldon?"

"I can answer that one," Bernadete said as she squeezed Howard's hand. "Penny told us how when you and Amy were in the early stages of your relationship that Sheldon had wanted to procreate with you because he thought you two could have some sort of hyper intelligent child."

"We had discussed that," Amy admitted awkwardly. "But I had more of been using it as a way to get him to want to extend our relationship into an actual relationship."

Sheldon stared at her for a moment but then shook his head. "That makes so much more sense in hindsight."

"Didn't you also pretend to be sick so Sheldon would bathe you?" Bernadette rolled her eyes as Penny started laughing. "What? That's serious! And she later told me that she let Sheldon spank her for lying to him about being so sick because it turned her on!"

Leonard shared a look with Penny for a moment before both of them grimaced.

"Can we talk about anything else?" Leonard looked at all of them. "LIke how cute babies are?"

"See?" Bernadette said, perking up eagerly as she looked at Mackenzie in Penny's arms. "You had nothing to be worried about!"

Penny smiled as her daughter reached for her necklace. "Well, I know that now."

"I'm just glad we were able to kick my mother out," Leonard said, grinning as he wrapped an arm around his wife. "And I'm glad she hasn't tried to show up in the last...several months. We don't like her."

"Hey!" Sheldon said, looking at him in shock. "I happen to find Beverly delightful!"

Penny made an exaggerated gagging face which caused her daughter to giggle.

"Just one question," Leonard said, and Sheldon gave him a confused look. "How?"

"Well -" Sheldon started.

"Sheldon!" Amy exclaimed, and he hesitated but sighed.

"Sorry," Sheldon said, looking down at his hands. "I think my wife has bound me in servitude to her and her wishes forever and ever with the ring on my finger."

"Yes, I have," Amy said with an almost suggestive smile.

"It's just like the Little House On The Prairie fanfiction she wrote about herself and Sheldon," Bernadette whispered to Howard, causing him to start laughing. "I'll show it to you later."

"Dada?" Hallie said, staring at her father.

Bernadette gently lifted up her daughter. "Aren't you a sweetie? You know, marrying your father and having you and your brother really helped me learn the meaning of love."

Howard glanced at the time. "Bernie, it's way past her bedtime."

Bernadette sighed. "Yeah, yeah."

"Alright," He said as he stood up and picked up Michael in his carrier. "I think we're heading out."

"Me too," Raj said, exaggerating a yawn. "I'm going to pick Missy up at the airport and we're going to go stare at the stars."

Sheldon watched them as they all slipped out and then smiled at Leonard and Penny. "So, what have you done with my old room?"

Leonard raised an eyebrow. "It's Kenzie's nursery."

Sheldon sighed. "Well, I suppose that's an appropriate usage of it."

"Very appropriate," Penny remarked. "Considering that now there's an actual baby living in it."

Sheldon stared at her for a moment. "Well what's that supposed to mean? I am nothing like a baby! I'm clean, scentless, adhere to a rigid bathroom schedule -"

"Which you do not impose on your wife," Amy interjected.

"Which I don't impose on my wife," Sheldon paused and then went on. "So I really don't see how you can compare me to a baby."

"You said that you think of me as some sort of nanny to you," Penny reminded him. "Which, for the record, I'm not."

"You know, Sheldon," Amy said, looking to Mackenzie who was tightly in her mother's arms. "Now that Penny and Leonard have kids, we should have kids too."

Sheldon considered that. "Well, it would definitely be socially sanctioned…"

"Oh my god…" Penny muttered as she rolled her eyes.

"And…" Sheldon said, nodding thoughtfully as he went on. "I'm sure my mother would be happy to have grandchildren from a happy, stable marriage."

"You are not going to start that on our couch," Leonard said with a warning note in his voice, and Sheldon visibly recoiled.

"After the things I know you and Penny have done on this couch, of course not!" Sheldon shook his head. "Ugh, that is disgusting, Leonard."

"Hey, Sheldon?" Penny said as she gently rocked her sleepy looking daughter in her arms. "Do you think you can give me and Leonard some time alone with our daughter?"

Sheldon took Amy's hand and nodded. "Of course. Oh, and have the two of you solved our puzzle yet?"

"You gave us that puzzle almost a year ago," Penny reminded him. "And, yes, Leonard and I did. You know why? Because we're both just as smart as you and Amy."

Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "Then what was the riddle?"

"We didn't need to solve the riddle," Penny informed him with a smirk. "We just had Wolowitz come over and hack the system so we could have our wifi back."

Sheldon stared at her in horror. "But that's not -"

"Sheldon," Amy said, dragging him out of the apartment. "Not the time. We can complain about them using loopholes later."

"But -" Sheldon protested but groaned as she shut the door. "...Fine."

Penny smiled as she stood up with her daughter still in her arms. "I'm exhausted."

"Well, we do have a little human we created to take care of," Leonard smiled as he kissed her cheek. "That does require the expending of a decent amount of energy. If you do it right, that is."

Penny giggled as they walked into their daughter's room. "Still bitter about your childhood, huh?"

"Always," Leonard sighed as she set their sleeping daughter down in the crib. "She's so cute, Penny. I love her so much."

"I do too…" She whispered as he pulled her into her arms. "She's perfect."

"Mackenzie Penny Hofstadter…" He murmured as he rubbed his wife's back. "I could never ask for anything more than our family or you."

She softly kissed him. "I love you, Leonard…"

He brushed aside tears. "I love you too."

"Oh, don't start crying on me," Penny sighed as she tightened her arms around him. "You know it's just going to make me cry too."

"Sorry," He said, kissing her cheek. "You know how emotional I can get."

"Hey," She said, cupping his cheek. "That's one of the things I love about you."

Leonard smiled. "I'm glad."


	5. The Saturnalia Changes

_**Two Months Later  
Location: Pasadena  
California  
United States Of America  
2:34 PM**_

"Come on, Kenzie," Penny said, coaxing her daughter through the apartment as the little girl continued to make her first attempts at crawling. "Daddy's waiting for us."

The small girl paused and rolled over onto her back, staring at her mother with wide eyes.

"Do you want me to carry you?" She asked her, feigning a sharp tone for a moment but then quickly scooping her daughter up into her arms. "Okay, Kenzie, but you're going to have to learn to walk eventually."

"To be fair, she'll figure it out because bipedal mobility is tied directly to human evolutionary instinct," Leonard said, almost absent mindedly as he continued to trim the tree. "And since she's still less than a year old but older than three months, it makes sense that she's only just attempted to move on her own."

Penny gave him a funny look as she stepped into the room with their giggling daughter in her arms. "I thought we agreed no science talk with her until she's at least two."

"That's too long, and you know it," Leonard said with a faint smirk. "She's probably going to become a doctor, like her daddy."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Hey, I make good money at my job -"

"You actually make more than I do," Leonard added, and she laughed as she playfully swatted his arm. "So I wasn't being derisive or pedantic, I swear. Especially since you're my wife."

Penny smiled as she kissed his cheek. "Aww, I love it when you use big words."

"Is it alright if I hold her?" He asked her, and she nodded as she handed him their daughter. "Think you could finish?"

"Well, you know how much I love getting ready for the holidays," Penny said, grinning as she pulled a long strand of tinsel from one of the boxes. "Look at me," She declared dramatically, flipping the tinsel around her as if it was a scarf. "I'm ever so glamorous, I'm a star."

"You certainly are to me," Leonard said, smiling and shifting so that Kenzie could see her mother. "See, Kenzie? That's mommy being as gorgeous and funny as always."

"I see someone has turned to flattery," Penny teased. "I thought we were passed that."

"I don't write you thank you letters after we have sex anymore, so I think so," Leonard said, and Penny gasped, putting a hand over her mouth as she giggled. "What?"

"Really, Leonard?" She said in mock annoyance. "In front of our _daughter_?"

Leonard booped the little girl's nose. "You're too little to remember this, now aren't you?"

"...Not if she has an eidetic memory like I do, although I'll concede the odds of that are highly unlikely," Sheldon said through the doorway. "...Also," He said, beginning to knock. "...Leonard, Penny, Mackenzie. Leonard, Penny, Mackenzie. Leonard, Penny, Mackenzie."

Penny rolled her eyes as she dragged herself, still wrapped in tinsel, to the door and all but tore it open. "Do you know how much time you waste with the knocking?"

Sheldon's brow furrowed in confusion. "You know, you have been saying that quite literally for years and I still can't comprehend your point. Isn't having this discussion, as I've pointed out before -"

"Sheldon," Amy said, crossing her arms. "Don't antagonise our friends."

"Fine," He said, then turning back to Penny. "It's a waste of time to debate it because I'm right. Now, may we come in?"

"Yeah, yeah," She said, motioning them into the apartment and raising an eyebrow off of Amy's grin. "I'm scared for my life now."

"Oh, please," Amy said, laughing as she shut the door behind herself. "If I was going to hurt you, I would have done so a long time ago and, instead, a long time ago I tried to experiment into lesbianism with you."

Leonard grimaced at the thought. "Now that my mind is thoroughly removed of any comfort, what are you two -"

"That's wrong," Sheldon said, looking at the tinsel around Penny. "Tinsel goes around the tree and is properly wrapped around starting from the top of the tree downwards. By no means is it a fashion choice."

"Hey," Leonard said reproachfully as he tickled his daughter. "We have a rule about you not antagonising Penny."

"But she's antagonising me," Sheldon replied, then hanging his head shamefully off of Amy's look. "I'm sorry, I don't know what possessed me."

"I have a few guesses," Penny quipped.

Sheldon stared at her. "That was a figure of speech."

"Is it a figure of speech if it's true?" She countered, unwrapping herself and haphazardly tossing the tinsel onto the tree. "Ah, merry Christmas is right!"

"Saturnalia -" Sheldon started.

"Yes, Sheldon, I remember," Penny said with remarkable patience. "I also remember how many bath gifts you gave me, and I _know_ that I still haven't used all of them yet."

"I'd be concerned by how much you were wasting if you had," He replied, then laughing. "Bazinga. Girls tend to use more bath product than males because of the desire to smell pretty."

"Yes, we do like to smell pretty," Amy said, looping an arm around his. "And you know it."

"Well, I did like your old perfume better…" Sheldon said a bit ruefully. "Although, the new one isn't terrible and is more fruity...hopefully you won't attract rabid bees in the summer or I'm afraid we won't be able to be near each other."

"Yes, I would ever allow that to happen," She said, rolling her eyes. "You're funny sometimes, Sheldon."

He sent her a confused glance. "I don't know what's so funny about that."

"I do," Penny said, giggling as her daughter reached for her nose. "Kenzie!"

"Babies really are a lot of work," Sheldon remarked.

"Yes," Leonard said. "I know because I had to live with one even before Kenzie was born."

Sheldon looked at him in irritation. "That, sir, is a grave misappropriation. I am nothing like a baby, even if I do smell like talcum powder."

"You'll have to share, soon enough," Amy said with a smile, and Sheldon groaned. "What is it now?"

"Stop scaring me," He said, looking away and crossing his arms once he'd wrenched out of hers. "I don't want to think about that right now."

"Think about what?" Penny asked, feigning cluelessness off of her interpretation of Amy's smile and wink to her.

"I -" Sheldon started.

"Sheldon's a bit...shocked with the reality of us having a child," Amy said, and Leonard's eyes went wide as he shared a look with Penny. "Although, of course, we both want to procreate."

"You're pregnant?" Leonard asked her after being silent out of surprise for a long moment. "For real this time?"

Amy nodded. "Yes, I am. I found out yesterday -"

"At home, at exactly 8:41 AM," Sheldon finished, then turning to her. "And I'm not quite sure anymore if I'm ready to -"

"Sheldon," Penny said, hesitantly stepping over to him and even more hesitantly placing a hand on his shoulder. "If Leonard and I can take care of a baby, hell, if Wolowitz with or without Bernadette can take care of _two_ babies, then you can too."

Sheldon looked at her a bit awkwardly. "As much as I appreciate the sentiment, Penny, your hand is holding an uncomfortably firm grasp on my shoulder, and I need to ask that you release it because of the sheer amount bacterium you're exposed to on a daily basis because of that small human your homunculus is holding."

Penny sighed as she let go. "Sheldon, you'll be fine."

He hesitated. "I'm not so sure, and I don't like that because usually I'm sure about everything."

"Technically, nothing can be completely certain," Leonard reminded him, bouncing his daughter in his arms and causing her to giggle. "As uncertainty principle states in quantum mechanics, two or more factors cannot be definitively both traced at the same moment."

Sheldon considered that. "I suppose…"

"Or Schrodinger's cat," Amy interjected. "This could be both good or bad, but it's something we're going to go through together."

"And, if either of you have any questions, you can always ask me and Leonard," Penny said, then pausing for a moment. "Just to be clear, so long as they're not too personal or invasive."

Sheldon sighed. "Alright. Thank you two, and, Amy, I don't want this to be a negative experience for us."

"The only way to know is to open the box," Penny said quickly, then groaning when she realised the reference she had made. "To," She said, hesitating before she finished. "See if the cat's alive or dead."

"I lived with you for years," Leonard said, sending Sheldon a sharp look. "If I can take care of you and help you learn to take more care of yourself, I think you can do the same with your own child. In fact, I think it would build _character_ in you."

Sheldon scowled. "The assumption being that I don't already have character?"

"No, the assumption being that you're a ninety year old child," Leonard quipped. "I'm only teasing, I promise."

Sheldon hesitated for a long moment, but then smiled. "Good, Leonard, good."


	6. The Expansion Algorithm

**_December 27th  
Location: Pasadena  
California  
United States Of America  
3:24 PM_**

Howard stared at Leonard in shock and reached for a glass of water. "I'm sorry, but can you repeat that again. I don't think I got that the first time."  
"Sheldon and Amy are having a child," Leonard said, flinching in disgust and sharing that look with Penny upon Howard intentionally doing a spit take. "Ugh, Howard, was that really necessary?"

"Oh, and the idea of the two weirdest people we know procreating isn't concerning?" Howard replied. "I thought that me becoming a father was weird, no matter how excited I was, I thought you and Penny having a kid was weird –"

"How is us having Kenzie weird?" Penny scowled at him as she rocked her daughter in her arms. "Well?"

"I thought for sure that you and Leonard would get divorced and never have kids," Howard said, only to receive a smack to the back of the head from Bernadette. "Bernie, why –"

"Nope," She said almost haughtily. "Don't be a dick."

"I'm not being a –" Howard paused off her look. "Alright, listen, is it not at least a little terrifying to consider the fact that Sheldon and Amy are going to have a child?"

"I think so," Raj remarked, finally looking up from his phone. "Missy agrees, although she says she always thought Sheldon had no sexuality."

"I'm pretty sure that was disproven a few years ago," Bernadette said, feigning a cough for a few seconds. "As he outright informed both me and Penny that Amy's birthday gift would be his genitals."

Leonard recoiled. "Ugh, gross, I didn't need to know that."

"Neither did we," Penny said darkly. "And yet we do."

"And I really didn't need to know it that time Sheldon informed me that Amy had told him that his genitals were a joy to behold," Leonard added, primarily for good measure but also to see the disgusted looks all of them were giving him. "What? It's not like Howard wasn't once a total pervert."

Howard glared. "That's not funny."

"No, it's very funny," Penny said giggling. "You know, since –"

"All my friends," Sheldon chorused through the door as he knocked. "All my friends. All my friends."

Penny rolled her eyes as she leaned back a little in the chair. "Come in Sheldon."

He opened the door a bit hesitantly. "Oh, I never thought I'd say this but Wolowitz: thank god that you're here!"

Howard raised an eyebrow as he stepped into the room. "Oh, what alien has implanted its technology in your head, Sheldon."

Sheldon's brow furrowed in confusion. "What alien specimen would have any desire to implant advanced technology into my head?"

Bernadette punched her husband's shoulder and smiled at him. "Leonard and Penny told us the news, congratulations, Sheldon."

Sheldon looked at his hands awkwardly. "Oh, right, of course, thank you. Amy's rather happy about all of this, although she's been having a rough time with some of the common aspects of pregnancy."

"Morning sickness hitting her hard?" Penny asked, and Sheldon sighed. "I'll take that as a yes."

"I suppose that is the most simple way to describe it," He said. "Good job, Penny, it seems that the intellectual and emotional advancement that goes along with procreation has done its holy work on you."

Penny stared at him but then shook her head. "Oh, what the hell. Sure, Sheldon, that's exactly what has happened."

"You are holding a little human that is of your DNA and Leonard's," Sheldon pointed out, and she forced herself not to groan. "So, yes, that is exactly what happened."

"I think she was being sarcastic," Raj bit off, and Sheldon blinked. "What?"

"So the man who thinks my sister's…lady parts are a source of joy thinks that he needs to inform me of the obvious," Sheldon said, crossing his arms. "Also, get out of my spot."

Raj shook his head as he sat down on the floor. "Of course. Like always, Sheldon dominates everything."

"I do not dominate everything," Sheldon replied as he made himself comfortable in his spot. "I merely aid in enlightenment and –"  
"Sheldon, why the hell were you so happy to see me?" Howard stared at the man incredulously. "Is it because you're scared of having a child?"

Sheldon looked taken aback. "I beg your pardon?"

"Sheldon, if you weren't scared you would have asked to talk to Leonard about something like that," Howard countered. "And since Raj has no understanding of the subject and couldn't speak to women for his twenties, you'd never beg the question with him."

Sheldon looked down, almost in shame. "For the rare occasion, Howard, you're right. I am scared."

"Oh, that's normal," Bernadette said, giving him a sympathetic look. "Don't you remember how scared Howie was when he found out I was pregnant with Hallie and Michael?"

"Well, I…" Sheldon sighed heavily. "I always thought that I was…above emotions, and especially those like fear and now that I…I thought that having a child with Amy would be a good way to move forward, but now that it's actually happening I'm terrified. I don't want to be like my own father, and I don't want to be a bad father."

"Sheldon Lee Cooper, you are one of the smartest men in the world," Leonard said in what sounded almost like exasperation. "For the love of god, you'll figure it out!"

"Figure what out?" Amy asked as she stepped into the room. "How to stop having a bathroom schedule because our kid is never going to be able to adhere to one?"

Sheldon groaned. "Anyone can learn to adhere to a bathroom schedule with enough practice and regulation, even a young child."

Penny shared a glance with Amy and then spoke.

"Well," Penny said as Amy sat down. "It turns out that Sheldon is scared because you two are having a kid."

Amy looked to him in surprise. "You're scared?"

Sheldon scowled at Penny for a moment but then sighed. "Yes, Amy, I'm scared."

She embraced him although released him quickly when he flinched. "It's going to be okay. To be honest, I'm scared to. But that's normal for humans when major changes occur, and we're going to be okay. Besides, our child is going to get to be friends with Hallie, Michael, and Kenzie at the very least."

"Yes, I know," Sheldon said. "But I'm not sure how much that alleviates my worries."

"Time will," She said, kissing his cheek. "I promise."

"Aww…" Penny said as she took Leonard's hand in hers and squeezed it. "Sheldon, Amy…"

"And you know something, bestie?" Amy smiled as she looked to her. "You and I will be able to breastfeed each other's children!"

Penny recoiled a bit, uncomfortable and disgusted by the idea. "Um…"

"No thank you, Amy," Leonard said, and Penny sent him a grateful look. "We're trying to get Kenzie to eat solid foods soon anyways."

She shrugged. "My offer will always remain open."

"And mine closed," Penny said quickly. "So, so, so closed."


	7. The Hofstadter-Cooper Equivalence

**_December 31st  
Location: Pasadena  
California  
United States Of America  
6:13 AM_**

"Leonard and Penny," Sheldon knocked a bit quieter than usual although his voice still carried through their apartment. "Leonard and Penny. Leonard and Penny."

Penny all but ripped the door open, her robe open, to show her sweatpants, and tank top. Her hair was a mess, and she looked exhausted.

"What?" She snapped, setting her hands to her hips. "Do you have any idea what time it is? What's wrong with you?"

Sheldon stiffened his back and sighed. "There is nothing wrong with me, and, if I am not mistaken, it is just past six in the morning at nearly the first quarter of the hour."

She scowled. "You could have woken up Kenzie."

"Actually, that's unlikely," He said as he stepped into the apartment and quietly shut the door. "Considering that young children, such as your daughter, are almost exclusively sensitive to higher pitched sounds, such as your singing or your voice. Part of that is because they seek the comfort of the mother."

Even with her annoyance, Penny couldn't help but smile.

"That's a sweet way to think of it," She said. "My daughter being genetically predisposed to seeking my comfort – why the hell do I know that?"

"Because you're married to me and we both used to live with Sheldon," Leonard said with a yawn, sleepily stumbling into the room. "And almost all of your friends are geniuses."

Sheldon smiled and glanced at his feet. "Yes, I suppose we are."

"So," Penny said, turning back to him. "How are you doing, taking care of the mother of your 'benign overlord to' –"

"'Guide humanity to a better tomorrow'," Leonard finished with a slight smirk. "Well?"

Sheldon grimaced. "Well, Amy has been spending quite a bit of time puking, and she gave me quite a disturbing story about her supposedly tilted uterus and almost unnaturally firm cervix –"

"Ew," Penny said, grimacing as she reached for the espresso packets. "I'm going to need coffee if you intend to continue."

"As I do," Sheldon said. "Although I don't see how coffee will help you handle the nature of anything I may tell you. If you wish to not remember, you could always call on your friend from the vine."

She sent him a funny look. "My friend from the what?"

"He means wine," Leonard said, and Penny scowled at Sheldon. "Hey, buddy?" Leonard said off his wife's look. "That wasn't very nice."

Sheldon considered that and then turned to Penny. "Penny," He said with shocking sincerity. "I'm sorry if I offended you."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Thank you, Sheldon."

"Yes, of course," He said a bit awkwardly. "I am a naturally pleasant person, aren't I?"

Penny rolled her eyes, but then smiled. "Yes, sure, Sheldon. Now, what is it?"

"You two are both aware that my child could be one of the smartest in the world, right?" Sheldon barely waited a few seconds before going on. "Well, it seems that I did not account for the fact that it could destroy both me and Amy."

"Define destroy," Leonard said, warring between being amused and concerned.

"Well, the literal definition of course," He said, then glancing away. "But then I'm also concerned it could destroy our relationship."

Penny scoffed. "Oh, please, having a child is not going to destroy your relationship with Amy."

"Having two children caused Bernadette to make Wolowitz get a painful vasectomy that could have ended in him sitting on top of his mutilated genitals," Sheldon said, causing both of his friends to grimace. "My apologies, I forgot about your sensitivities."

"Listen, Sheldon," Leonard said, sounding surprisingly sympathetic towards his former roommate. "I get it, having a family no matter how much you want it is scary but it's going to be fine. Penny and I have done fine, and I'm sure you and Amy will too. Just don't let your overlord child go overlording anywhere near us."

Sheldon nodded once as Leonard left the room upon hearing Kenzie start crying. "I will not let my overlord child go overlording near either of you."

"Thank you," Penny said with a smile. "Now, what else do you want to know?"

"Well…" Sheldon said, slipping into deep thought for a moment. "How long do you think it will be before the baby will be able to eat normal food rather than suckle from Amy's ample bosom?"

Penny grimaced, setting down her coffee mug uncomfortably. "Sheldon, my daughter still breastfeeds, so yours will be around this time too. It's best to do it as long as possible, you know, which can be for up to three or four years."

Sheldon looked almost sick. "Oh god."

"I grew up on a farm, I've seen pigs give birth," Penny informed him, and Sheldon's face contorted in disgust. "Oh, come on! You're a grown man, you can handle your wife's pregnancy and raising your child."

Sheldon sighed. "I suppose…but that doesn't reduce the nerves I feel."

"I have an idea that might help," Leonard said, stepping back into the room with his daughter in his arms. "And I just changed her diaper, so she's perfectly clean."

Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about, Leonard?"

"Why don't you sit down in your spot and hold Kenzie?" Leonard said, and Penny sent him a sharp look. "Penny, he's not going to hurt her."

"I don't know how I feel about that…" Sheldon said slowly although he did sit down in his spot. "Young children are cornucopias of any sort of bacteria that in the right concentrations could be turned into a bioweapon or could cause an infectious disease or could transmit a virus – all three of which could result in death."

"For god's sake, Sheldon, my daughter doesn't have the plague!" Penny exclaimed in exasperation, smacking her forehead to prove her point. "Just hold her for a moment."

Sheldon hesitantly poked at Kenzie's arm upon Leonard stepping over to him with the little girl in his arms. "Hello. You can't speak or at least with coherence, can you?"

Kenzie giggled.

"Support her back and head," Leonard instructed him, and Sheldon tentatively did so. "Once you've got one arm securely under her back, you can let her tug at your fingers or you can tickle her."

Sheldon stared at him with wide eyes, then looked to Penny. "Your daughter looks a lot like you. Hopefully she'll be taller than Leonard."

Penny laughed. "I hope that too."

"I know your daddy is a homunculus and your mommy is a failed actress turned pharmaceutical sales representative," Sheldon said to Kenzie as he brought her a bit closer in his arms. "But you're a very cute, albeit small and young human being with the potential to be reasonably intelligent, perhaps even achieve a doctorate. Do not squander your opportunities."

Kenzie gave him a confused, bright eyed stare.

"You don't understand yet," Sheldon sighed. "But you can trust your parents with your life, I know…I know that I have before. Leonard especially, even in spite of his need for positive reinforcement and Penny's off key, country music caterwauling."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Sheldon."

"You could have a bright future," Sheldon said, looking seriously at Kenzie. "But only if you don't waste it, only if you keep moving forward, and only if you never stop questioning the world."


End file.
